Hey guys,
So lately I’ve been trying to adopt a more varied outlook on things. I’ve really been taken a hold of by the philosophy course that I’ve been working at online. Taking a brief, but intriguing view on the course material got me excited in terms of how it’s all going to play out.
The first module was on Metaphysics, and I’m definitely correct in assuming that it’s something I’m going to enjoy. As to why I’m into it so much, I’m not particularly sure. The questionable study of reality is somewhat soothing to me now, and I find that kind of ironic. The abyss of questions without answers really used to freak me out, to be honest. Now, whenever a thought-provoking and vaguely profound statement presents itself, it always seems to grab a hold of me. At least now, I’m okay with that.
I’m not sure if that’s a drastic change in character on my part, or if those kinds of sinuous developments take place in everyone. I think being able to fit into your own mold is important, but I think these molds are crafted and customized differently for everyone. Makes me wonder where mine was imported from, and what kind satirically influenced strangers I can hold responsible. Rest assured though, I’ll probably continue striving for the answers to the important questions until I at least understand my own tendencies. Or at the very least, until I understand my need to understand these things, ha.
Working consistently throughout the school year is just about an appropriately solidified disappointment of everything I had begun to expect it would be. I never really thought it would require the balance of a trapeze artist though, being able to do my job whilst living and learning simultaneously. While mute audiences hold their breath and wait for you to fall; sometimes I wonder if they’d cheer either way. If all the audience wants is something they can’t get at home, maybe all the consuming masochist of the public wants is to see somebody else fail for a change. Entertainment can be provided with astonishing performances, and perhaps even some astonishing failures.
Nevertheless, I’m becoming somewhat adequate with juggling my schooling in one hand, whilst juggling my job and the funding for the continuation of my education in the other. That’s sort of ironic too, but it’s one of the ironies that allow me some comfort in knowing that I’m powerless to do anything about it, that way I really don’t have to try. That’s a kind of bliss in itself.
What’s really great about all of this is that I think I’ve recovered a fragment of what life might be like when I’m out of here. It’s probably healthy for me to have some elements of life illustrated for me. Although on the contrary, I would really rather be out there myself; living learning and breathing my own life. As opposed to taking a seat in the familiar and overgrown chair in front the knowledgeable black board of experience, and having everything drawn out for me.
That’s it for now,
See you next time.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
it's just a phase
Hey guys,
Everything is going steady, work is monotonous as all hell; but it’s a monotony I can deal with. School is as disconcerting as ever, my classes for next semester have already been caught in one of the several cluster-fucks that surround the scheduling system at CCVS.
The mayhem that ensued after I’d finalized my time at school is what really got the ball rolling on the now jarring state of disarray I’ve found myself in. I guess if anything I’d have to be satisfied with being at the very least, caught in the crossfire in the battle for my education.
In other news, today I stumbled across a different kind of irony I was not fully aware of. I opened one of the rare packs of cigarettes I rarely have the opportunity to treat myself with, and upon doing so; I habitually discarded the “You can quit smoking!” article that always remains inside. My eyes followed it lazily as it drifted toward the ground; this is when I came across a sea of other ‘habitually’ discarded items.
There were several other “You can quit smoking!” cards askew, there were flyers rolling across the street, bearing “Stop Littering!” slogans. I allowed myself to broaden my perspective and to plunge little bit deeper into this dump truck of a city. I saw teenage mothers idly smoking cigarettes. Their toddlers only a facet of the susurrations around them, only another car going by; or maybe just another warning on the label for a warning against second-hand smoke.
In a rather abominable perspective, this provided me with some comfort. I always thought one of my many faults would have been attributed to my insouciance, or maybe just by my failure to prioritize things properly. Having a second glimpse at the horrid society around me though, I see that’s really not my problem at all.
Everyday people walk by systems that have been designed to integrate elements of failure into such a healthy and procedural way, that the residue of failure would eventually be forced out of the equation. The problem here resides in the fact that nobody gives a shit about systems like this anymore. Smoking rates are still on the incline, teen pregnancy seems to walk out its trashy front door nearly every morning I walk by. Appropriately, pollution rates are finally starting to settle down, but even still, we’ve never been this close to a ‘climate change’
At this point in my life, giving a shit is really starting to look like a phase, like smoking, or several other trends that we see everyday. The mountains of erroneous garbage we surround ourselves in really only provide these kinds of solutions. Who can really think about not smoking, or running to garbage can for their bottles’ especially when people are trying to represent and maintain their superficiality in a composed fashion… Whilst raising kids and having to struggle through all of their battles between themselves and all of these systems.
Correspondingly, today these systems make themselves apparent. They stop posting flyers and thrusting advertisements down my throat. They make themselves known, their superficial and genuine concerns melded so tightly together now, even I can’t tell the difference.
The irony silhouettes the only system that has ever proved to be both commonly and effectively used, the one I’m referring to of course resides within the method of not giving a shit. I therefore encourage you do to so as well. Give as little shit as you can, do whatever you need to; smoke whatever you need to smoke to get yourself through the day, and by no means don’t ever try and quit for anyone but yourself.
Hopefully though, when enough of the prolls have thrown at the rising mortality rate; so even blind saints can stare upon them in awe. Maybe then we’ll find the change we’ve been looking for, maybe then we’ll find a system that works.
Everything is going steady, work is monotonous as all hell; but it’s a monotony I can deal with. School is as disconcerting as ever, my classes for next semester have already been caught in one of the several cluster-fucks that surround the scheduling system at CCVS.
The mayhem that ensued after I’d finalized my time at school is what really got the ball rolling on the now jarring state of disarray I’ve found myself in. I guess if anything I’d have to be satisfied with being at the very least, caught in the crossfire in the battle for my education.
In other news, today I stumbled across a different kind of irony I was not fully aware of. I opened one of the rare packs of cigarettes I rarely have the opportunity to treat myself with, and upon doing so; I habitually discarded the “You can quit smoking!” article that always remains inside. My eyes followed it lazily as it drifted toward the ground; this is when I came across a sea of other ‘habitually’ discarded items.
There were several other “You can quit smoking!” cards askew, there were flyers rolling across the street, bearing “Stop Littering!” slogans. I allowed myself to broaden my perspective and to plunge little bit deeper into this dump truck of a city. I saw teenage mothers idly smoking cigarettes. Their toddlers only a facet of the susurrations around them, only another car going by; or maybe just another warning on the label for a warning against second-hand smoke.
In a rather abominable perspective, this provided me with some comfort. I always thought one of my many faults would have been attributed to my insouciance, or maybe just by my failure to prioritize things properly. Having a second glimpse at the horrid society around me though, I see that’s really not my problem at all.
Everyday people walk by systems that have been designed to integrate elements of failure into such a healthy and procedural way, that the residue of failure would eventually be forced out of the equation. The problem here resides in the fact that nobody gives a shit about systems like this anymore. Smoking rates are still on the incline, teen pregnancy seems to walk out its trashy front door nearly every morning I walk by. Appropriately, pollution rates are finally starting to settle down, but even still, we’ve never been this close to a ‘climate change’
At this point in my life, giving a shit is really starting to look like a phase, like smoking, or several other trends that we see everyday. The mountains of erroneous garbage we surround ourselves in really only provide these kinds of solutions. Who can really think about not smoking, or running to garbage can for their bottles’ especially when people are trying to represent and maintain their superficiality in a composed fashion… Whilst raising kids and having to struggle through all of their battles between themselves and all of these systems.
Correspondingly, today these systems make themselves apparent. They stop posting flyers and thrusting advertisements down my throat. They make themselves known, their superficial and genuine concerns melded so tightly together now, even I can’t tell the difference.
The irony silhouettes the only system that has ever proved to be both commonly and effectively used, the one I’m referring to of course resides within the method of not giving a shit. I therefore encourage you do to so as well. Give as little shit as you can, do whatever you need to; smoke whatever you need to smoke to get yourself through the day, and by no means don’t ever try and quit for anyone but yourself.
Hopefully though, when enough of the prolls have thrown at the rising mortality rate; so even blind saints can stare upon them in awe. Maybe then we’ll find the change we’ve been looking for, maybe then we’ll find a system that works.
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