Hey guys,
So lately I’ve been trying to adopt a more varied outlook on things. I’ve really been taken a hold of by the philosophy course that I’ve been working at online. Taking a brief, but intriguing view on the course material got me excited in terms of how it’s all going to play out.
The first module was on Metaphysics, and I’m definitely correct in assuming that it’s something I’m going to enjoy. As to why I’m into it so much, I’m not particularly sure. The questionable study of reality is somewhat soothing to me now, and I find that kind of ironic. The abyss of questions without answers really used to freak me out, to be honest. Now, whenever a thought-provoking and vaguely profound statement presents itself, it always seems to grab a hold of me. At least now, I’m okay with that.
I’m not sure if that’s a drastic change in character on my part, or if those kinds of sinuous developments take place in everyone. I think being able to fit into your own mold is important, but I think these molds are crafted and customized differently for everyone. Makes me wonder where mine was imported from, and what kind satirically influenced strangers I can hold responsible. Rest assured though, I’ll probably continue striving for the answers to the important questions until I at least understand my own tendencies. Or at the very least, until I understand my need to understand these things, ha.
Working consistently throughout the school year is just about an appropriately solidified disappointment of everything I had begun to expect it would be. I never really thought it would require the balance of a trapeze artist though, being able to do my job whilst living and learning simultaneously. While mute audiences hold their breath and wait for you to fall; sometimes I wonder if they’d cheer either way. If all the audience wants is something they can’t get at home, maybe all the consuming masochist of the public wants is to see somebody else fail for a change. Entertainment can be provided with astonishing performances, and perhaps even some astonishing failures.
Nevertheless, I’m becoming somewhat adequate with juggling my schooling in one hand, whilst juggling my job and the funding for the continuation of my education in the other. That’s sort of ironic too, but it’s one of the ironies that allow me some comfort in knowing that I’m powerless to do anything about it, that way I really don’t have to try. That’s a kind of bliss in itself.
What’s really great about all of this is that I think I’ve recovered a fragment of what life might be like when I’m out of here. It’s probably healthy for me to have some elements of life illustrated for me. Although on the contrary, I would really rather be out there myself; living learning and breathing my own life. As opposed to taking a seat in the familiar and overgrown chair in front the knowledgeable black board of experience, and having everything drawn out for me.
That’s it for now,
See you next time.
