Hey guys,
This last week has been pretty good, my classes have been going good and those who don’t particularly wash themselves have been giving me a wide berth; so the essentials are ticking along smoothly.
Though lately there have been some mentions that university reps are going to be visiting my school within the next few coming weeks, this made me both excited and nervous. Seeing as how this year has been pretty sinuous for the most part, whenever the reps do visit, I’ll probably just go with whatever happens.
It did get me thinking about how things are going to go next year for me. Even though this year just started, things are going satisfactorily mellifluous; so I’m going to permit myself several months of anxiety while I attempt to figure out my future in the meantime.
The original program that I’d applied for was a split program between the local college here, and Bishops University. While this seems financially sufficient and acceptable, I’ve been wondering lately if it really is. You see, saving two years worth of room and board money would benefit me in exceedingly good dollar amounts and I would wind up ahead in the future.
However, lately I have been internally debating as to whether the price of my sanity is truly worth several thousand dollars. Seeing as how my creativity is typically sprung out of my cynicism, it’s possible that the more senile I go, the better I may end up at this towards the end; my reluctance lies in my wearied state to test this theory.
I don’t know, the real dilemma here is that I feel like a lemming. Though not your average lemming mind you, a conflicted one; the worst kind of lemming. While all the other metaphorical lemmings are throwing themselves towards oblivion with such misplaced certainty, I am the lemming that cringes at the threshold. Torn with envy and nescience, it seems I am the lemming yearning to discover the hundreds unfathomable truths in the world, but only able to realize them once I’ve thrown myself to the wind, so to speak… Hm.
As assiduous as I am to my own flummoxed and pessimistic perception, at this point all I really want is a direction. Seeing as how the end of high school really is only the ‘Start line’ of the rest of my life, all I want is an appropriate track for the race. Herein lies the problem, I’m tired of being told where I should run, and what track would be best for me; I rather pick my own track and arrive at the finish line with scraped knees and a smoker’s cough.
With a renewed sense of alacrity, I’m going to plunge my way through all the paths available to me. I’m going to work hard and make my choices carefully, before I allow myself to give into my voluptuary tendencies.
While I spend this week dreaming up my next several revelations, I hope the bulk of you keep reading, cause I truly appreciate the feedback; for those of you who are by some miracle still giving a shit about how things are going for me, I’ll see you next week.
