Hey guys,
This past week has been good, everything is very steady. I’ve been juggling work and school with adept skill; while still able to budget myself some time for inebriation; and that’s what really matters.
So, the university and college representatives made it down to my school. It was sort of disconcerting, to be honest. While they went through their many routines and Question and Answer segments, it felt to me like everyone in the room had silently acquiesced to leave their hometown behind, along with most of the people they knew… Just kidding, this absolutely enthralled me; and it has since propelled me further towards my goal on getting the fuck out of here.
That being said, I guess the representatives could say their visit down here was efficacious for the most part. Though, like most things, that little visit got me thinking.
I’m aware that I’m really not all that cognoscente about hating on most things surrounding me, but I am fairly adept at the concept. This made me think as to why things have come to be this way, I’ve got a sound grasp that some people have a predilection to hate on the world; but that’s not me. At least, it wasn’t before.
Of course, this realization, among other things, got me thinking even more; which eventually triggered a chain reaction, which will without a doubt eventually cause my head to explode. However, it did allow me to envision my current conundrum through a different perspective… allow me to explain.
The esurient gaucherie that I’ve run myself into depicts itself like a roller coaster; a social roller coaster. Whereas most deprived human beings will reach their peak of this roller coaster around my age, where they make some heart-felt decisions; and are sent on their way. Taking winding, sinuous turns all the way down; but with at the very least, some direction. My roller coaster, it seems, has stalled at the very peak of its tracks just before the plunge. Like something got jammed in its tracks and created some kind of disgusting interregnum within my equipoise. Leaving me gaping down foolishly while everyone else would blow by in swirls of freedom and injustice, though some would hesitate to lend a helping hand, or perhaps the help of a power-tool; they were all too ready to truly take their own plunges. That’s definitely something I now respect and envy, had I been more responsible in the past, I probably wouldn’t have to deal with this illegible future.
It’s almost as though my ability to mentally ameliorate the situations here is growing better, which I have recently learned is one of traits of a sociopath; neat. To be honest though, I did used to look at post-secondary education as our own personal fountain of youth, where we could drown ourselves in our own debt and the invariable unknown. While I still acknowledge this, I’ve never been more prepared to drown.
The main thing that has been cleared up here, for me anyway, is probably the ‘why’ behind it all. I’ve always been one to focus on the change, negative and positive. I thought I was very knowledgeable on how quickly things can bifurcate around you, and I embraced that concept. Again, the problem lays dormant inside the false sense of knowledge and security I had built myself. I am tired of the change in Cornwall, I am tired of seeing the same changes occur over and over again, being able to understand pages worth of garbage at first-glance is not a talent I’d rather possess.
I guess I need a change of change, because at this point in my life, even the susurration of known change can be monotonous. I guess what I’m asking for is to be pushed down that roller coaster by a generous gust of wind, bringing me closer to an obscure purpose I’d embrace with open arms.
As always, thanks for the feedback and I appreciate that a good sum of you keep on reading. For the next weekly update, it’ll be posted next week.
